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There are a few points I would like to make to all of you- just so we understand where I am coming from concerning this whole movement to bring forth the victims that have experienced ritual abuse- and most especially those whose abuse was at the government’s hands. The project MKUltra is a subject I speak about in my book Confessions of an Antichrist, however- at this moment I am not going to discuss much about it. Those of you who endured the secret lessons our government was teaching know of what I am speaking about, and this letter is for you.
I know that the torture we went through as children broke us in ways that we can never get back. Trust me when I also say that I know about the residual fear that was left over from my lessons- and the paranoia that it perpetuates in my life- even now, well into my forties. I have spent a good deal of my life hiding, and when I wasn’t hiding- I was running, most of all from myself. I have done everything I can to escape the memories of what happened to me as a child. However- there comes a time when a person can no longer run from the darkness that surrounds them, and I reached this point several years ago. In order to ascend into heaven- one must first descend into hell to deal with his demons. Even Jesus Christ had to do this- and so, with the help of a fantastic therapist, I made the resolution to glean what I could from what happened to me in order to help me escape the continual hell that I was living in. First thing I want to point out is that the past is the past. Never again will we find ourselves in the same situations as we did when we were children. That is the most important thing to remember when trying to release ourselves from our bonds.
Before we let the past go however, let me point out a few things that some of you may not have considered. When looking back- remember this: they only picked the brightest to go through their training. That is the reason we survived- because we were bright enough to adapt to everything they threw at us and our survival is a testament to the brilliance that resides within all of us. This was fundamental when I looked back at my past, and realized that, in many ways, I was smarter than my trainers.
I guess the most important thing I want to impress upon all of you is that they may have learned from us- but they can’t do what we were TAUGHT! Looking within, trusting our intuition and that knowing side within all of us- they can’t do any of that. They opened a part of our minds that they can’t control, and which has only gotten stronger as we have aged. They were looking into the psychic side of human nature- that is why we went through what we went through- because they were looking to stimulate that part of the brain that is dormant in most people in order to use it to control people. The horrors that we experienced as children were designed to force us to use that part of our brains and in doing so- they taught us things that they themselves are incapable of doing. It makes no difference if others believe this or not- for most people- in my experience, can’t even begin to comprehend the things that I tell them about my past- and so whether or not anyone believes or understands doesn’t negate the things that I personally know to be true.
The biggest component to our trainers control was fear. They taught us to be afraid of everything and everyone- not to trust the things they were teaching us to do. However, controlling a person with fear rarely works for long, and the more one tries to dominate with such tactics- the greater the resistance in the human spirit. Fear breeds contempt, contempt breeds anger, anger eventually feeds thoughts of revolution, and then all hell breaks loose generally. However- what we experienced was internal and mental- and so the revolution that we are involved with is all “in our own minds” so to speak- and therefore we have to fight the urge to turn the fight on ourselves, instead of focusing it outward- where it could do some good.
It is true that in the past- there was nowhere to go, and none of us were able to really focus what happened to us in any congruent way that made a difference. We have been shunned, ridiculed, dismissed, and ultimately ignored by most of society- who seems to believe that our government couldn’t be guilty of such things. However, that is the past- and I am finding that history has a way of returning to situations again and again- and this time, we are no longer children. More importantly- for many of us- the talents that they strove to impress upon us as children have only grown in their complexities, and now- as adults, we are not only able to step into our own, but many of us have this driving compulsion, if you will, to help others in the same boat as us to do the same.
Let me remind you that most of our training was looking within ourselves, and though they used torture, drugs, and fear to stimulate those talents- the goal was to make us psychic soldiers of a sort. Again- whether the general population believes this or not makes no difference- for those of you who experienced what I have know what I am talking about. Again- this letter is for you.
I personally believe that we are on the verge of a spiritual evolution the likes of which none of us have ever seen before. The general population is getting a sense of others around them and the bond that they have with their fellow man in a way that has never been so prevalent- and it shows me that the human compassion in all of us is building. For those who experienced MKUltra in their pasts- this is having an even greater affect upon us- as we were taught to look within ourselves, thus encouraging an almost mutant sense of mental/spiritual evolution. Most people don’t have a sense of the mind such as we do- and aren’t aware of their capabilities like we are, never having been forced to use them before as we have. Since there is no one who is capable of thwarting the will of God, I believe there must be a reason for this. There is a reason why we all have the self awareness that we do, and I believe that there is a reason why we are all waking up from our nightmare at the same time.
Kathleen Sullivan’s inspiration to build the US TRC was through divine providence in my opinion. Giving victims a sense of themselves and offering a sense of direction- we are gaining a voice that we are just getting used too. The 2010 Ritual Abuse Conference was also a gift from God, and hopefully gave Neil Brick, founder of both the conference and the website SMART (Stop Mind Control and Ritual Abuse Today) a real sense of accomplishment as he was the one who brought so many minds together. Not that there aren’t a great group of people who have paved the way these last decades- who have endured the ridicule of being part of a group who would not let this issue die- but like I tell my older sister all the time, we are in a different day and age- and things have changed.
She and I talk about our experiences occasionally and she is always perplexed by the fact that when she came out and began talking about her experiences, no one believed her. In fact, she felt a campaign to silence her in a way that I never have. Myself- on the other hand- found people who, although were not a good group of people- nonetheless validated my experiences in a way that I couldn’t deny. Now- she sees me as some sort of activist- and she often makes comments on how different my experience is from her own, as she sees the support that is out there now for people like us, who wish to come forward. My explanation is simple- we live in a different day and age- and everything has changed. There are three stages that an idea becomes public knowledge- first it is ridiculed, and then fought against- until it is finally accepted. The Law of Gravity and the fact that the earth travels around the sun are perfect examples of this process. We are simply at the third stage of the process, where we are going to see our experiences become common knowledge.
There are things that you can do. First- although I have no faith in the institution itself- the UN is accepting 2 minute videos on YouTube where victims are able to talk about the human rights violations in their communities, and these videos will be considered as they evaluate the human rights violations that have occurred in the United States. You can find this project under Testify!Project, which is the group that is promoting this event. This does not mean that you have to be in front of the camera- film your pet while you are talking, or a tree blowing in the wind, or whatever it is that you want to film, just so you get your story told enough to count when they start considering the violations. We HAVE a voice- and although we were intimidated to be afraid of it at a young age- it is our strongest and most powerful gift given to us in this life. Every one of us has a story to tell- and every one of our stories is important- no matter the details. If it is simply standing up and saying “THIS HAPPENED TO ME’- in my experience, there is no better way to start claiming your power.
Secondly- and probably hardest to do, try to reach out and educate yourselves. Knowledge is power, and although we were taught to be afraid- it is freeing when you begin to accept that the things that you remember are not only possible- but probable. At least it was true for me. Understanding that there are others- MANY others who are in the same boat as you- is helpful, and one of the saving graces for all of this for me was to know that I wasn’t alone. Because of my sister- I never really was- but it took awhile for me to grasp the sheer numbers of people who are also involved and survived the same things we did in our family. Realize we are out here- and through Kathleen Sullivan’s US TRC- we are gaining opportunities to reach out and embrace each other in a way that we never have before. Things have changed, as I have said.
Lastly- and probably most importantly- try to begin to practice what they taught you. Look within; don’t be afraid to find the answers. The lessons may have been horrible- but we have the choice to overcome the fear and allow ourselves to embrace what they taught us. The biggest difference in all of this is the fact that WE have the power now. The things they forced open within us are beginning to awaken- and we- as a group- are starting to become aware of, not only our abilities as individuals, but our strength in numbers. Our trainer’s biggest weapon was to convince us that we were alone- that we were helpless to stop that which was happening to us, and convince us that we are victims. However, those days are over- and now we are coming into a time that the world NEEDS what we have within us. We owe it to ourselves, others, and to God to let ourselves shine in a way that we were taught to do.
If I could leave you with one last thing- I would like to impress upon you that the reason why none of us are associated with our pasts any longer is that they couldn’t break our spirits- and that is because we are lightbearers. Entrenched in the darkness as children- the only thing that saved many of us was that we were forced to seek out the light- and that was something they couldn’t control. That is what binds us all as a group- and is actually the true power which resides in us all, giving us a commonality with each other. Now is the time to let our collective light shine. And trust me- we are all shining. In fact- the light is so bright that when I look at it as a whole- it hurts my eyes. Times have certainly changed.